The Decision to Take Care of Ourselves And Then.... the Journey

Taking care of oneself may seem like a 

natural and easy thing to do for some. 

And having to make a conscious decision 

to do so may seem ridiculous.

(I'm talking about much more than 

just the basics of

 eating and sleeping and general care.)

But for others, including myself, 

it truly is a journey of

self-discovery and recovery. 

It's a learning process

that happens only if we are 

willing to peel off layers

of wrong thinking, work at

 getting to know ourselves

as well as making changes.

It would take a small book to share

with you the revelations that have come from 

seeking to take better care of  myself..

well-being and a healthier,

more balanced lifestyle.

I used to think that I was healthy.

Several years ago, I came to a place in my life

where I felt numb. I had died inside

and I knew that if I wanted my 

life to be different,

I was going to have to accept boundaries

and live more intentionally.

(I don't mean to sound snooty)

I needed to begin to stand up for myself

and stop making commitments that were

helpful to others but that left me feeling exhausted

and drained physically and mentally.

This was difficult because I love people and

helping them.  But I had to come to realize that

I could still love them but I didn't have to

push myself beyond healthy limits to show that love.

I was saying no to outside commitments at times and

that was good but I wasn't considering limiting

 social outings or time with family as part 

of my care. 

Two years ago, I realized what a 

true introvert was and that I am one and that

it's ok to be one! Haha..

And furthermore, it was ok to fashion my time and 

life in a way that allowed me the solitude that 

I needed to stay rested and to feel like 

my life was not out of control. 

I don't LIKE this about myself but I'm 

grateful to have the understanding.

It's so freeing to be able to make 

decisions based on my needs 

without (most of the time ;) feeling guilty.

Can anyone relate to what I'm saying?

I have learned that I'm not selfish but wise

when I say no to invitations to social events.

Not answering the phone is ok if I'm not up to talking

at that moment. Responding to social media in 

a time frame when I feel rested and can enjoy the

connection is the right way for me.

Learning to listen to our minds and bodies 

and to be able to respond to what we hear, is a gift. 

It requires focus at times and honesty

with ourselves and others.  

People don't always understand. 

My test run circumstance did not end well.

There were broken relationships

and a severing of ties.

It's very sad but I am healthier.

Be prepared and take care of yourself anyway.

If you don't, who will?

This is one of the 

toughest parts of our journey. We don't

want to offend or hurt others. There are always

going to be needs. We can't begin to meet them all.

I was raised to work.

And the harder I worked and the more I accomplished,

the more I was praised. I can tell you that this

set me up for a life time of pleasing others

and totally losing touch with who I was 

or what my needs (and wants) were.

I don't dread telling people no anymore. It

feels good to take care of myself. I enjoy life

soooo much more. The quality

of each experience has been heightened

to the pleasure that it should be because

I have learned to pace myself and reserve what I need

to really be present and enjoy that time. Not wishing that the time

were over so that I can go home and rest.

If you're in need, I hope this has helped 

and made sense to you.

Life is too short and our bodies and minds

have limitations. If we ignore this fact, 

we can do irreversible damage to our bodies

and lose out on the quality of 

life that awaits 

each of us.

There's so much more to it all. 

But too much to write in one post. 

At another time, I would like to write

about the things that we have and how they

demand of us.

(This is a huge one for me and I'm still working on it!

And then beyond our needs are our wants... 

which I would also like to write about another time.)

We have only one life to live.

One time around.

A limited existence with so much to experience.

May yours be blessed. 

Filled with richness and peace.

Thank you for your visit.

I would love to hear any words of advice or 

any stories of what you've learned.

Tamara xo

He is Your Father ~

I found this on an encouragement website and it so encouraging. 

I wanted to share it with you.

“He is your Father, and His role is to protect you; He will comfort you

 and guide you.He will feed you; He will carry you when you are weak.

 He will seek you out when you go

astray; He will help you in times of trouble. He will not let your enemies

go unpunished; He will cherish you like a father cherishes His child. When you fall,

 He will pick you up; when you don’t understand, He will always understand.

When you feel like life is weighing you down, He will lift you up.

  When you feel like giving up, He will encourage you to keep going.

When you are sad, He will lighten your spirits. When you need advice,

His line is open 24-7. When you feel unsafe, He will be your safety;

 when you are worried, He will be an ear to your concerns.

When you feel burdened, offer your burden to Him and He will take it.

  Where you have been burnt, He will make you beautiful; where you hurt,

He will heal.

  Whenever you feel lonely, He will always be with you.

Where others have not supported you, He will support you.

 When you feel discouraged, He will be your encouragement.

 Where you don’t know, He will tell you when the time is right.

When you feel unloved, remember that He has always loved you.

You see limitations; God sees opportunities.

You see faults; God sees growth.

 You see problems; God sees solutions. You see limitations;

  God sees possibilities.

You see life; God sees eternity.”

 ― Corallie Buchanan, Watch Out! Godly Women on the Loose

 

And this is one of  my favorite songs by the Crabb Family:

 

 

 

Have a blessed weekend.

 

Black Fades to Gray

These past months have been so enlightening and liberating. During this time, I have come to
realize that many areas of my life have been out of balance for a very long time. Many of them
relate to my beliefs.

One of the things that I attribute these imbalances to is this. Though I had a father
and a mother, and they were both present physically most of the time, they were unable
to be a presence in my life. Their own circumstances were overwhelming. My mother was
in and out of mental institutions before I was 8 years old. My father worked construction
and he drove long distances to the sites where he was a Master Mechanic. Usually an
hour to two hours one way.

I am not blaming my parents. These are just the facts. They did what they knew. They were
just trying to move ahead and do the best they could with the very difficult circumstances that surrounded them.  Life is not always fair and blaming circumstances or people only makes
one weak. However, it does help to reflect and understand.

I remember feeling very alone and that my life was icky. Just messy. And I always felt like
I was odd and stupid. My family wasn't like other families whose
parents did things with the kids. They talked about things. I remember taking a walk with
my older sister once and talking about life and how good that felt to me. It hit the spot way
down deep in my hungry heart. As I look back I understand that these feelings were all related
to a life that felt very much out of control.


I made a decision to live for God when I was 10. But I never felt good enough. And this
began a very long journey for me. A journey of trying to do right to feel loved and accepted
by the One who created me.

Through the many years on the road to living close to God and trying to please Him, I took
many different paths. All of them supposedly the "right" one. There were truths that were
definitely come to and clarified. But my search for the "perfect" path was not to be found.

Being of the "black and white" personality made that very difficult for me. I was very
determined. And so I tried so hard to make things make sense. I needed a box for all
my activities, beliefs and philosophies to fit neatly into. This was a place of comfort a
and ease.

All the while, He was waiting for me to come to the end of this road that I thought was
leading me into the right.

The accepting of the gray has been extremely liberating. At times, however, freedom can
bring a lot of questions and a feeling of insecurity. Not having the answers can be
intimidating and leave a person feel vulnerable.  My understanding of  "the way things work"
has gone from nothing to a little bit to a little bit more.

For the first time in my life, I am at peace with not knowing. I believe in the past, my
insecurities, and my need to belong always kept me stirred up and anxious. I am so glad to
be ok with what I don't know and who I don't fit in with. I am free to be me. To live. To love.
My husband says that I have come out of my cocoon. I am like a transformed butterfly.

I am so thankful that God didn't forsake me during my searching and questioning. I never felt abandoned or rejected. He has once again, proven Himself so loving and real.( It sounds as if
my journey is over. It's not. There is still healing to be done. Questions will still arise and
more is to be revealed. But the peace I have is lasting. )

Margin...The Lifestyle That Allows...Peace, Healing and Restoration

Rushing....Over-scheduling.... Pressure....Stress

Life in general can be overwhelming at times. Just the everyday maintenance of
relationships, a home, and keeping a job are enough, at times, to tax us to our very
limits. What happens when we find ourselves in a place of emptiness? That place that
cries out for rest, healing and peace?

How do we get here?

I don't believe it is our intention to create this kind of lifestyle. I have found myself
in this position when I have failed to be realistic about the requirements of a
commitment. Or perhaps I was not thorough in researching and counting the cost.

I believe many people would slow down, if they could. But many find themselves
being pushed along by the commitments they have made. Most have made these
commitments in good faith and are people of integrity. But perhaps they are caught in
the grips of a commitment that has gone far beyond their expectations.

Are we trying to keep up with a schedule that burdens us beyond our comfortable level
of what isrequired? The danger of this is that we may reach a state of burnout where
we are unable to fulfill the responsibilities that we have with the passion and purpose
that we had hoped and intended.

This can create a sense of despair, hopelessness and failure. Not at all what God
intends for us to experience. In these places, God will help us but I firmly believe that
instead of helping us through these circumstances, that He would rather us avoid them
and walk in wisdom and peace.
_______________________________________________________________________

I would like to share with you the name of a book that I read...too late. I found this
book after Jeff and I had made a commitment to something that would overload us for
15 years and take us down a path less than desirable. At some point, I will share this
story with you. My hope is, that in sharing this book, others will be able to step back
and reflect on their lives and become more aware of healthy boundaries. And through this
awareness, will flow a life of peace-filled purpose.

The name of the book is Margin and was written by Richard Swenson.
Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives

Life in modern day America is essentially devoid of time and space. Not the
Star Trek kind. The sanity kind. Chronic overloading is the culprit: margin is
the cure.

This newly revised 2004 update of the original best-seller explains what
margin is, why it is important, how it disappeared, and steps to get it back. Margin is
the space between our load and our limits and is related to our reserves and resilience.
It is a buffer, a leeway, a gap; the place we go to heal, to relate, to reflect, to recharge
our batteries, to focus on the things that matter most.

Margin offers seventy-five practical prescriptions for restoring margin in the
essential areas of emotional energy, physical energy, time, and finances.
Margin restores what culture has taken away: time to listen, strength to
care, space to love.
 

Dr. Swenson has also written a devotional called  A Minute of Margin....Restoring
Balance to Busy Lives

You can find both of these books and more written by Dr. Swenson at Amazon Books.

Wishing for you a place of wisdom, rest and peace.

The Song that He Sings Over You

Life is rich... Life is painful...  vast... uncontainable..


We try to remember the joyful times by taking photos and recording movies.


                                            Times of reflection.


At times we even try to re-create the moments that we so cherished instead of

letting them go. Accepting that the moment for that particular joy has passed.



When we are visited by tragedy, we tend to move

as quickly as we can through and away from

those experiences. We shy away from loss and

pain and grief. 


Nothing can hold back these events that come our way..

Sometimes they rush in like a wave.  At other times the overwhelming is slow

like the creeping in of a flood.


________________________________________________________

The month of June held many losses for our family. We lost two beautful

friends to cancer. Sometimes the grief just pours out. I try to play and replay

the memories of our times together. I don't want to forget. Remembering hurts.

I'm afraid of forgetting.

......................................................................................................................

One half million acres of the wilderness and forest that we treasured so much

is gone.. burned.. lifeless..

                                         Our family used to make the hike up to this tower.

The view was incredible. This photo does not compare

to the real thing..miles of God's creation~

                                                              After the Wallow Fire
                                    Escudilla Mountain burned almot 60 years ago to the day.
                                                It will never be the same in my lifetime.

                                                               Processing...

It's a slow thing for me. Waiting on God. Allowing myself to feel.

Looking to His grace..Depending on it. There's a knowing that He is near.

With His Father's loving touch, He will bring healing.. a peace and a rest.

I can trust in His mercy and truth. His love endures...and He is

faithful to bring life from things that die..that's His way.



 Without the pain.. there is no healing..
Without tears... why would we need laughter?

Victory would not be attained without defeat...
Were there no valleys..mountain tops would not exist..

The loss would not feel great if we did not deeply love.



God knows what He desires for each of us. What He allows in our life will be

part of the song that He sings over us and the way that He orders our steps.



And it will be good... His plan is good..


He knows what we have need of before we ever ask and has made every

provision for our good according to His plans and purposes..