Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Art Inspiration: My Quest .. Insecurities, Commitments and Guarding Your Dreams

Hello friends.
I hope this day finds you inspired and at peace.

Today, I'd like to share some thoughts and
revelations that have been on my heart for some time.

I call this my journey.. my quest.
 I have been blogging/journaling
about it because someday, I may want 
to re-trace my steps or share.

This involves many aspects of my life. 
There are the personal parts that
involve my own discoveries about myself
and how I have lost layer after layer
to get to who I really am.

Finding my heart.
Silencing the noise.
Unloading the clutter.

And it's also about:
I hope that you don't mind my sharing.
(I guess that's partly why I title it like I do.
So readers can filter.)

I must say though that I find such inspiration
and feel a real connection when people
share their stories. 
Sometimes, they can be 
gritty and raw.
 I like raw. 

Raw is real.
And real is authentic.

It's where we live and learn. 

This part of my journey has been difficult.
This has been a choice.
And a hard one.
But sometimes often times it's necessary to 
make hard choices to get you where you
want to go and it's wise to count the cost.

I'm not trying to be mysterious.
It's just difficult for me and it pricks my heart 
and brings tears when I think of it.
I have had to begin guarding my time very
carefully in order to 
protect it from being whittled away.

Please don't get me wrong,
I love people and doing what I'm able to 
help ease their burdens. 
And just spending time with people.
(With Quality Time being 
my first Love Language,
cutting my time with others
 has been very difficult!)
However, sometimes it can be 
unhealthy for others and yourself
if expectations and motives are out of balance. 

Recently I have begun to notice that
after hours of phone calls and texting and
visits that there is very little...and I mean
VERY little time to work at what
God has put in my heart to build on and work at.


Why I do what I do.

And here is the not-so-fun part of sharing. 
I can be very insecure.
And so sometimes I do things for people 
because it feels safe. Then I will be liked. 
Or it makes me look good or if I am helping someone 
else, surely that makes me a good person.
Or maybe I wouldn't be liked, if I said no.
(And unfortunately, the latter has happened.)

But anyway
It's been very enlightening and freeing
 to work through all of that.
Facing my own insecurities.
The anger and disappointment of others.
The loneliness.
Sometimes it can be very lonely.
But the quiet is what I need to focus and create. 
Some understand and respect the need for
time and space and it's beautiful when that happens.

It's been a matter of serious consideration,
 getting over feelings of extreme guilt and feeling
selfish because I have had to begin to say.. 
I'm sorry.. I can't right now.
(And it's not easy because I really do care.)

 At times, it's not even people asking.
My personality is that of a nurturer
  and so it's been a combination of 
wanting to and feeling obligated.

In order to guard the time that I have to study, learn 
and create, I have had to consider my motives for and
commitments to others very carefully. 
Being very sensitive but paring down. 

Anyone who wants to dedicate time to learning and
creating knows that it takes a lot of time of focusing
and hard work!

Emile Zola 
I am happy to say that the most difficult part of this 
journey is past. I have come to a place where I can 
give time to people in a more pure and balanced way. 

My husband and I talk a lot about these kinds of things.
And one of the things that I want desperately for my
children to get is to be wise in their decisions.

If you have dreams, and most people do, be careful
not to create a life that locks you into spending 
most of your time doing what you HAVE to do,
 instead of what you want to do. 
Those have-tos can be created
very easily and it's SO very difficult to 
then carve out time for your...


Some people spend literally hours every day
working at what they love and pursuing their dreams
and goals. I would have been very grateful as a young adult
to have these nuggets of truth safely tucked away
in my treasure chest of wisdom.

But I know as I have said before, 

~I can TRUST GOD with the 

I do so hope that this has been encouraging to you
today. I hope the rest of your week is filled with peace
and fulfillment.

As always, I'm grateful for your visit here.
Thank you!
Tamara Xo


Kezzie said...

Oh so true. It is SO hard to say no and yet, like you have found in yourself, I see people who constantly say yes to others and then life is difficult for them to be truly themselves and truly do what God wants. I hope that he blesses you as you try to change things. xxx

Roosterhead Designs said...

Wow Tamara, sometimes I can SOO relate to you! (*smile)
I too have a lot on my mind right now, and I appreciate your candor
and transparency~
This was a wonderful honest post and I enjoyed it very very much.
We are all on a journey - and I think you have both your eyes AND your heart 'open' right now~ Good for you. Surely the Lord will lead and guide you. And please remember that sometimes your 'no' (oooch ouch...) is exactly what [I] may 'need' to hear.)
Blessings to you my friend~ Karen O

Christine said...

Dear Tamara I really understand how these matters can take over, crowd out & block our way but you are so right that when we seek God first He will direct our path.
God bless in the days ahead!

Tamara said...

Thank you Kezzie for your visit and thoughtful comment. You are right..saying no is very hard. Blessings to you!
Tamara xox

Stephanie said...

Dearest Tamara, what a post, my friend! You bared your heart and soul to us and encouraged many {including me} while doing so. To seek the Lord with all of our being is what we must do and it's so good to be reminded of that.

Thank you for sharing, dear one. You are such a blessing to me. Thinking of you!

Love and hugs!

Fil said...

Dear Tamara
It's lovely to see such an honest post. I think many of us have this struggle on a daily basis and it helps to know that there are other people on the same path. I particularly love the Emile Zola quote - that may have to go into my journal today :)
Keeping you in my thoughts

Jeff LeFevre said...

It has been difficult yet freeing to share this journey with you. I very much relate to and agree with your very thoughtful words. I don't want to get to the end of life and regret not knowing who I really am or having pursued my passions.
Thank you my love for taking me along on your journey!

Tamara said...

Thank you for your encouraging words Karen! It's a comfort to know that others understand. I'm not very good at being transparent sometimes.. But I'm learning. Blessings to you and best wishes for your journey in this area.

With Loving thoughts,
Tamara <3

Tamara said...

Your sweet comments are always so encouraging. Thank you. Best wishes for your weekend.

Blessings and hugs,