Art Inspiration: My Quest .. Insecurities, Commitments and Guarding Your Dreams

Hello friends.

I hope this day finds you inspired and at peace.

Today, I'd like to share some thoughts and

revelations that have been on my heart for some time.

I call this my journey.. my quest.

 I have been blogging/journaling

about it because someday, I may want 

to re-trace my steps or share.

This involves many aspects of my life. 

There are the personal parts that

involve my own discoveries about myself

and how I have lost layer after layer

to get to who I really am.

Finding my heart.

Silencing the noise.

Unloading the clutter.

And it's also about:

CREATING

I hope that you don't mind my sharing.

(I guess that's partly why I title it like I do.

So readers can filter.)

I must say though that I find such inspiration

and feel a real connection when people

share their stories. 

Sometimes, they can be 

gritty and raw.

 I like raw. 

Raw is real.

And real is authentic.

It's where we live and learn. 

**********

This part of my journey has been difficult.

This has been a choice.

And a hard one.

But sometimes often times it's necessary to 

make hard choices to get you where you

want to go and it's wise to count the cost.

I'm not trying to be mysterious.

It's just difficult for me and it pricks my heart 

and brings tears when I think of it.

I have had to begin guarding my time very

carefully in order to 

protect it from being whittled away.

Please don't get me wrong,

I love people and doing what I'm able to 

help ease their burdens. 

And just spending time with people.

(With Quality Time being 

my first Love Language,

cutting my time with others

 has been very difficult!)

However, sometimes it can be 

unhealthy for others and yourself

if expectations and motives are out of balance. 

Recently I have begun to notice that

after hours of phone calls and texting and

visits that there is very little...and I mean

VERY little time to work at what

God has put in my heart to build on and work at.

  IF YOU DON'T 

BUILD YOUR DREAMS,

SOMEONE WILL HIRE YOU

 TO BUILD THEIRS.

Why I do what I do.

And here is the not-so-fun part of sharing. 

~Transparency~

I can be very insecure.

And so sometimes I do things for people 

because it feels safe. Then I will be liked. 

Or it makes me look good or if I am helping someone 

else, surely that makes me a good person.

Or maybe I wouldn't be liked, if I said no.

(And unfortunately, the latter has happened.)

But anyway

It's been very enlightening and freeing

 to work through all of that.

Facing my own insecurities.

The anger and disappointment of others.

The loneliness.

Sometimes it can be very lonely.

But the quiet is what I need to focus and create. 

Some understand and respect the need for

time and space and it's beautiful when that happens.

It's been a matter of serious consideration,

 getting over feelings of extreme guilt and feeling

selfish because I have had to begin to say.. 

I'm sorry.. I can't right now.

(And it's not easy because I really do care.)

 At times, it's not even people asking.

My personality is that of a nurturer

  and so it's been a combination of 

wanting to and feeling obligated.

In order to guard the time that I have to study, learn 

and create, I have had to consider my motives for and

commitments to others very carefully. 

Being very sensitive but paring down. 

Anyone who wants to dedicate time to learning and

creating knows that it takes a lot of time of focusing

and hard work!

THE ARTIST IS NOTHING 

WITHOUT THE GIFT

 BUT THE GIFT IS NOTHING 

WITHOUT THE WORK. 

Emile Zola 

I am happy to say that the most difficult part of this 

journey is past. I have come to a place where I can 

give time to people in a more pure and balanced way. 

My husband and I talk a lot about these kinds of things.

And one of the things that I want desperately for my

children to get is to be wise in their decisions.

If you have dreams, and most people do, be careful

not to create a life that locks you into spending 

most of your time doing what you HAVE to do,

 instead of what you want to do. 

Those have-tos can be created

very easily and it's SO very difficult to 

then carve out time for your...

~DREAMS~ 

Some people spend literally hours every day

working at what they love and pursuing their dreams

and goals. I would have been very grateful as a young adult

to have these nuggets of truth safely tucked away

in my treasure chest of wisdom.

But I know as I have said before, 

~I can TRUST GOD with the 

TIMING of MY LIFE. ~

I do so hope that this has been encouraging to you

today. I hope the rest of your week is filled with peace

and fulfillment.

As always, I'm grateful for your visit here.

Thank you!

Tamara Xo